Want to become an interesting person? Turn off your phone. Tune into your body. Get out of your head. Get into your hips. Get new shoes. Get outside. Get in shape. Get an edge. Meet your heroes. Fix your posture. Face your fears. Sing in public. Learn to dance. Learn something new. Do something that scares you. And don’t tell a soul.
My problem with consuming social media is this: it numbs my ability to discern what is good and right for me. Mindless scrolling has more to do with mood modulation than boredom. I use technology to dampen anxiety, drown signals with noise, exit the world, and escape something. Not just in a Las Vegas gambling-addiction-sort-of-way—but on the muni, queueing in line, in my commute to work every day. God save me if I have to go on a walk with AirPods at 2%.
Gamblers at least recognize their desire to lose their sense of time, time, space, money, and anxiety in the world. It’s the opposite of what Silicon Valley loves to trumpet: always self-managing, self-improving, maximizing efficiency of the self. Until recently, I lacked the self-awareness to notice I was reaching for my phone when I most needed to sit with myself and think through life-level questions.
Being present is an act of defiance in a world that moves on impulse, instant gratification, and a thousand notifications a day. Slowing down acts as a sort of sieve, allowing us to separate fleeting impulses from what we truly care to share.
Mindfulness, curiosity, empathy, patience, depth. These are the qualities I disproportionately value in my friends. The highest compliment I’ve ever given? “I love the quality of attention you bring to my experience of you.”
Some people’s company lasts exactly as long as I’m with them. Others’ have touched me for a lifetime. Lastingness is some quality of touching us, years later. The people whose company have stayed with me are the ones who cultivated the skill of attention: learning and clarity from some; love and lightness from others.
As time carries us on its back, like a turtle sliding gently out to sea, their presence keeps on giving and providing.
would love to read more about what qualities/characteristics makes for lastingness in a person!!